Hey all, not new to Monsterhearts, but this is my first homebrewed skin: The Seer. Just wanna thank Max Hervieux for the word doc template. Hope the skin has an appeal to it!
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_5f2vgeC5iZYWZwSUREUGpWSk0/view?usp=sharing
I’m currently at work, but after a cursory glance I think your moves are way too wordy. Cut them down to just the trigger and the effect. Part of Monsterhearts is allowing the player to decide the fiction behind their moves.
I like the concept, I think it needs polish and trimming. It seems like the main move is just forcing the player to gaze into the abyss each scene.
Part of me wonders if the skin would be more effective if the premonitions were a static exchange effect rather than a rolled one.
Also really cut down on the description (I know it;s hard I do it to trying to explain the concepts in my skins) they just make the skin look bloated and unapproachable.
I will say thought I like the concept and I think you have an interesting direction, something I might have to tweak and put into my games
OK. I’m home now and can offer some more concrete feedback.
Name, Look, and Origin are all fine. Though non of those names really say “seer” to me.
Some of the Your Backstory entries are too long, especially the second one. Why not just say “Someone thinks your advice is crazy talk. You each take a String on each other.” The third one doesn’t really work. If someone takes a String on you, the player will know who it is. Why not avoid metagame issues by making it open knowledge to the character?
I think forcing the character to make the Third Eye Open at the beginning of every scene is to much. Plus, as Monsterhearts is a “play to find out what happens” game, many times the MC won’t have anything planned for the scene, so the move isn’t all that useful. Why not reword it like this:
When you open your third eye to see the future, roll with Dark. On a 7 up, briefly tell the MC something that will happen involving either you or an NPC this scene. On a 10 up, if at all possible, things happen more or less as you say. On a 7-9, it still happens, but the MC will twist things out of shape.
For Everything Has a Story to Tell. I would do it like this:
When you focus your third eye on an object you are touching, roll with Dark. On a 10 up, ask three questions, and on a 7-9, ask one:
– Who owns this item?
– Who desires this item?
– What was this item last used for?
– Who last held this item?
Mystik doesn’t do much in my opinion. Using Hot when the Seer Holds Steady is fine mechanically (if a bit weak), but I don:t understand what’s happening here fictionally. Why Hot? Why not Dark? That makes more sense to me if you’ve meditated about something.
The Spirits Linger is a cool move, but again, there’s too much text here.
Why not roll The Intent is Divination into Gaze Into the Abyss? Like this:
When you use an item of personal significance as a focus in a divination ceremony, Gaze Into the Abyss. On a 10 up, add this option to the list: the visions show you that person’s location, physical, and emotional state. On a 7-9, add this option to the list: the visions show you someone or something that threatens the item’s owner.
Why not make Telepath total mental communication? Something like:
When you lock eyes with someone, you can speak into their mind without needing to vocalize.
The Sex Move is kind of weird. Conditions are usually negative, and “spending” one to get a +2 bonus on a roll feels out of place.
Again, I feel there is too much direction in the Darkest Self. Moves should be suggestions, and not tell players in such explicit terms how to act.
Reading the “Playing the Seer” section, you’ve written about the Seer’s abilities owning her and the struggle between embracing or fearing her gifts. But I don’t feel like any of that is explored with the Skin’s moves. I would like to see you capture that more in the mechanics.
This falls into the realm of “Superpower skin”. Previous attempts at a mystic/fortune teller skins were more effective when they focused on the tragedy of predicting the future. You could help people (but they won’t believe you) or keep it to yourself (and watch as they get hurt).
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ITvkLw8zI0dfSDi8q_x6rZa7YmkfJPfCWdSJ5VV5pu0/edit
Here’s the Seer from last year. It’s even better than I remembered – every move makes you choose between helping yourself, hurting someone else, making fate come true or preventing the future.