Just so you know, I have a Horrible Idea percolating in my head.  I blame my wife, Gretchen.

Just so you know, I have a Horrible Idea percolating in my head.  I blame my wife, Gretchen.

So, my son loves “Elmo’s World”, to the point that Gretchen and I have more than a few of the more notable episodes etched into our brains.

We’re watching the WWE “Money In The Bank” event last night, when Gretchen mentions snarkily, “Elmo wants to know about KAYFABE!”

My brain immediately started writing the script for the whole damn episode, because Elmo’s World follows a pretty strongly-defined formula, and it’s not hard to insert a new subject into said framework.

I will be writing this up in full tonight.  Because I have to.

For example, we’re going to see Mr. Noodle and Mr. Noodle’s Brother Mister Noodle trying to explain wrestling non-verbally, dressed as Hulk Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage, respectively, with Miss Noodle present as a referee, while the unseen chorus of children’s voices cheer them on.  “No, Mr. Noodle, you don’t use CLOTHESPINS to pin them to the mat, you cover them with your body!”  “Don’t forget to hook the leg!”  This will culminate with the two “wrestlers” re-enacting the formation of the Mega-Powers, dramatic handshake and all.  

We’re going to have little children talking about who their favorite wrestlers or wrestling moves are, and why.  

We’ll have Dorothy imagining Elmo in various wrestling gimmicks — like “The Elmotaker”, “Elmo Rhodes, The Sesame Dream”, “CM Elmo”, and “Elmo Mysterio”.

The TV will show a brief animated short from “The Wrestling Channel”, which will explain the concept of kayfabe in terms that a four year old can follow.

And then when it comes time to talk to a wrestler, Paul Heyman will come out of Elmo’s door, and note that he’s even better than a wrestler, he’s a BOOKER and a MANAGER — but that he also represents “Broccoli Lesnar” (“BAH-ROCCOLI… LES-NAR!”), a giant muppet shaped like a vegetable, and books Elmo in a handicap match against the “Feast”, with Super Grover as his tag partner.  Naturally, Super Grove makes a hash of things, so Elmo has to keep on rescuing him and eventually goes for the pin.

God help me.