Two things I noticed with the basic move phrasing
Comfort
When I read this first I thought they get to choose
– mark potential
– clear a condition
– decide to open up to you and shift labels
when in fact they need to choose to open up and then, if they do they can choose one of the options. Maybe this can be made a bit clearer?
Defend someone
I feel like this move would be better if it was structured:
On a 10+ you keep them safe and choose one
* list
On a 7-9 t costs you
* escalate
* put yourself in danger
The way the move is right now (in the core book, page 67) it is very confusingly set up.
On Defend, you succeed on a hit. They’re safe.
that too of course.
We’ll take a look at those phrasings! Thanks for the input! For defend, it’s important to note that on a 7-9, you still get to keep them safe and choose one from the list. So that’s why it’s, “On a hit, you keep them safe and choose one from the list. On a 7-9, it costs you: expose yourself to danger, or escalate the situation.”
Ah okay. See I knew that from the text but the phrasing of the move itself makes it confusing.
If this is not already in the rules, maybe stating explicitly that “hit” means 7+? “On a hit/success, [effect]; on a 7-9, [effect]” is a common wording in PbtA, but I’m not sure how much it’s clear if someone doesn’t already know the system, so maybe stating at the beginning of the chapter that could be useful.
Also, current wording of Unleash you powers is:
> When you unleash your powers to overcome an obstacle, reshape your environment, or extend your senses
From this it seems the trigger is unleashing your powers, while it’s unleashing you powers to overcome an obstacle, reshape your environment, or extend your senses (if I unleash them to provoke someone, is Provoke, not Unleash); so I think it would be clearer to have
> When you unleash your powers to overcome an obstacle, reshape your environment, or extend your senses
(This is not an idea of mine, someone else noticed it in this community; unfortunately I can’t remember who did.)