I’ve updated the playtesting materials today guys, I’m doing copy editing now.

I’ve updated the playtesting materials today guys, I’m doing copy editing now.

I’ve updated the playtesting materials today guys, I’m doing copy editing now. If you find any errors or something unclear that needs more explanation – or just anything at all, let me know. It’ll help me out!

Also, the roll20 stuff is a modified version of the Apocalypse world one provided by roll20, I’m not at all good with html but did what I could to accommodate the system.I did my best with the doc and can try to fix something that may not be working but my skills are limited, that being said – do let me know if something needs fixing with it if it’s busted!

2 thoughts on “I’ve updated the playtesting materials today guys, I’m doing copy editing now.”

  1. “the Apparatus needs to acquire more information to find it’s place in the world and unravel the mystery of it’s existence” – there should be no apostrophes – the possessive of “it” is “its.”

    The Apparatus Humanity-Harm section mentions “roll 3d6 take lowest 2 result on dice” – it should be “results.”

    Apparatus Special (sex move): Almost all the sex move sections in all the playbooks have the playbook name in lower caps. The first letter should be capitalized to be consistent with later playbooks like the Catabolist and the Executive.

    Jam: “Everyone has a Jam. What you specifically are good at to earn creds.” – these should be one sentence, connected by a colon. “Everyone has a Jam: What they specifically are good at to earn creds.”

    The Apparatus Gear section should start with “Fashion” – the F is not capitalized right now. There’s also a dangling “When” at the end of the first line, not connected to the following sentence.

    The Architect is missing “Introducing” at the top. The description of the Architect switches from referring to “they” to “you halfway, which is very confusing.

    The Cred section says “A few sessions’ maintenance and repairs for a hi-performance vehicles and cybernetics” – remove the “a”. “A sessions worth” should be “A session’s worth” in both cases.

    Gear: The neural disrupter (shouldn’t it be “disruptor”?) has no range. “Knife” in “Shock Knife” does not need to be capitalized.

    The Attached: “Perhaps in consort with your own or perhaps at cross purposes.” It should be “concert”, not “consort”.

    Under The Object: “Detached from me as it’s own entity” – there should be no apostrophe – the possessive of “it” is “its.”

    The Revision: “What boon does it provide” needs a question mark at the end.

    “You may not be separated for long, gain the Ping move.” – change the comma to a semicolon.

    Lest We Be Parted: “Yourself. It may not exert it’s will upon you until reunited” – there should be no apostrophe – the possessive of “it” is “its.”

    Moves (left side): “you” should start with a capital letter.

    Moves: (right side): “Anyone attempting to remove your object by any means are all but impossible unless you are at their mercy.” – should be “Anyone attempting to remove your object by any means finds it all but impossible unless you are at their mercy.”

    Gear: “fashion suitable to your look 3-creds and your object” – should be “Fashion suitable to your look, 3-creds, and your object.”

    Gear+Giri has a line running through it.

    The Catabolist: “The catabolist is obsessed with integrating cybernetic systems into their own bodies” – should be “body.”

    The Ideology: “Humanity is a disease, only through the integration of cybernetics might we live.” Replace the comma with a semicolon.

    “I will save them, when I am perfect, they’ll see.” – replace the first comma with a semicolon.

    “Fear has me, I believe I shouldn’t do this but the alternative is worse.” – replace the comma with a semicolon.

    “I was saved by a machine, when it questioned my existence, I saw the way.” – replace the first comma with a semicolon.

    “I witnessed the wrath of machines, I must become one in order to defeat them.” – Replace the comma with a semicolon.

    The Omni-Tool: “It’s primary function is to integrate cybernetic systems into your person, you get one additional tag for the cybernetic piece if successful when using it for junkware.” – there should be no apostrophe – the possessive of “it” is “its.” Replace the comma with a period or a semicolon.

    Technological Tags: “Remote: Able to control to be controlled from afar.” – Should be “or be controlled from afar.”

    Moves (right side): Under Scrounge, “premo” should be “primo”.

    The Dying: “non communicable” should have a hyphen between the two words.

    The Gift: “Your organic tissue regrows at a rapid rate, you cannot succumb to death until the disease takes you.” Replace the comma with a semicolon.

    Symptoms: “When you realized you were afflicted, your gifts manifested, then, so did your symptoms. Since then they’ve only gotten more predominate. (choose 1)” – replace the comma between “manifested” and “then” with a semicolon. Replace “predominate. (choose 1)” with “predominant (choose 1).”

    “You grow additional and or new limbs and or organs.(perhaps losing old ones)” – again, the period should appear after the brackets, not before.

    “You have a mental projection only you can see with it’s own agenda.” – there should be no apostrophe – the possessive of “it” is “its.”

    Open at the Close: “The MC will ask you questions, answer them and choose another playbook.” Replace the comma with a semicolon.

    Prognosis: “A mix of both, ” – replace the comma with a period.

    Moves (left side): “You get the trigger move and can choose 1 more” – add a period at the end.

    Gear: Kinetic handgun is missing the “reload” tag.

    Moves (right side): “Off your chest: When you tell someone important (Your call) about your disease for the first time, you may mark 1-giri on them.” Don’t capitalize “Your” and capitalize “G” in “giri”.

    Under “Reach out” – “For what do you crave forgiveness for and from whom?” Redundant use of “for’ – remove one of the two uses of “for”.

    The Empath: “They feel more than anyone else and carry the burden of the emotions around them and those that they take into themselves.” If you are using “they” as a gender-neutral pronoun then it should be singular – “themselves” should be “themself”.

    The Burden: “You share the burden of being on everyones emotional roller coaster ride” – should be “everyone’s”.

    For The Burden and The Flow, you’re using commas wrong. “I look out for number one, people always leave.” “The Flow is my curse, I would be rid of it whenever possible.” “Retribution, someone wronged me and If I find them I’ll______________them.” “I am never lost, when I open myself to the Flow I can see emotions.” “It favors me, when I Absorb, I get +1spikes.” “It armors me, so long as you wear nothing else you have 1-armor.” Replace the first comma in each sentence with a semicolon.

    Humanity-Harm: Same as the Apparatus.

    Moves (left side): “You get all the basic moves. You get the absorb move and can choose 1 more” – add a period at the end.

    Gear: “You start with fashion suitable to your look, 3 cred and 1 small and 1 old school weapon:” It is not clear which of the six weapons below are small weapons and which are old school weapons. The four on the left are small? It doesn’t make sense. The flechette magnum has no range. Also, how does the palm explosive cause 2 s-harm? It seems wrong.

    Moves (right side): under Absorb, “Name someone present, excluding yourself, clear or fill their emotion spikes.” Replace the second comma with a semicolon.

    Under Search Feelings, “You spike out the emotion of whatever emotion is most prevalent here” – change to “You spike whatever emotion is most prevalent here”.

    Also, “flow” should have the first letter capitalized.

    The Executive: “The Executive answers directly to it’s peers.” This should be “their peers.”

    Mandatory Contracts: “When the board assigns you a mandatory contract, you or the MC may choose as appropriate from your quarterlies roll from the following contracts.” Insert a semicolon between “quarterlies” and “roll”.

    Moves (left side): You’re missing a period at the end of the second sentence.

    Moves (right side), under TPS reports: “the board is displeased but you” – replace “but” with “by”.

    The Honed:

    “You are not a part of the system, you may not be wielded by another.” Replace the comma with a semicolon.

    The Real McCoy: “apart from the world and society but you will also be ” – add a comma between “society” and “but”.

    Martial Arts: “Instead of weaponry you are able to use your body as a weapon inflict harm.” Insert “to” between “weapon” and “inflict.”

    “Detail the two arts that you have mastered by choosing two to modify each one” – change the last part to “choosing two options to modify each art”.

    Humanity-Harm: Same as the Apparatus.

    Gear: “fashion suitable to your look, You including at your option, one piece worth 1-armor. (You detail),” should read “Fashion suitable to your look, including, at your option, one piece worth 1-armor (you detail),”

    Moves (right side): “Musashi: When you Neutralize, no matter your emotional state, roll at at 1, if your emotional state is +2, use that instead.” Remove one “at” and replace the comma after “1” with a semicolon.

    Reprisal: After “responsible,” change the comma into a semicolon.

    The Honorbound: “To serve ones superiors with self-sacrificing dedication” – “ones” should be “one’s” instead.

    Under Lean On: “Other character might try to get out of debt with you,” should be “characters”.

    Under Giri: “ancient oddments intergrated into the decor” – Correct spelling is “integrated”.

    “coms specialist” – Correct spelling is “comms specialist”.

    Weapons: The thermal shell launcher and flechette SMG don’t have the reload tag.

    Moves (left side): “You get the Honor move and the bound move and can choose one more” – Capitalize the first letter in “bound” and add a period at the end of the sentence.

    Gear: The way the last sentence is worded, it appears as though you can have 1 piece of fashion that is worth 1-armor and 2-cred. You want to list the cred separately.

    The Onomastic: “Your order was once an integral part of the Veil and the world, now, though. That time has passed.” Change the comma after “world” to a period. Then change the rest to “Now, though, that time has passed.”

    The Information Iconoclasts: “shadows or of pure light” – remove the word “of”.

    Cybertome: “the last remaining amounts of knowledge hidden in it’s recesses.” There should be no apostrophe – the possessive of “it” is “its.”

    “It holds the secrets of the Iconoclasts, it’s contents could destroy them.” Replace the comma with a semicolon and there should be no apostrophe.

    Components: “Onomastics bring their power to bare on their foes by learning their true name.” “Bare” should be “bear’. “Name should be “names.” “By learning of major life events about individuals,” – exchange the positions of “of” and “about” so the sentence reads properly.

    Moves (left side): Put a period at the end of the sentence.

    Moves (right side), under Moirai: “On a 10+, the MC will tell you good detail as to what weaknesses you perceive.” change to “On a 10+, the MC will tell you in good detail what weaknesses you perceive.”

    The Seeker: “faith can be many things, but through it they gain enlightenment. They are fueled by the concept of enlightenment and spends it in the pursuit of it.” Change to “Faith can be many things, but through it you gain enlightenment. You are fueled by the concept of enlightenment and spend it in pursuit of more.”

    Faith: “Through the practice of his faith, the Seeker uses his enlightenment in order to ask questions of himself his faith and others.” Change to: “Through the practice of your faith, you use your enlightenment in order to ask questions of yourself, your faith, and others.”

    “Your meditation is deep and spiritual,” Change comma to period.

    “Your meditation is public and includes asking for offerings,” Change comma to period.

    “A group or individual is in deep debt to your faith,” Change comma to period.

    “You confer with other seekers when you meditate,” Change comma to period.

    “You are part of a larger body of faith.” Insert a space after the period.

    Tenets: “As any faith does your faith has tenets it demands of its faithful.” Insert a comma after “does”.

    “When so ever you were to break a tenant you suffer -1 ongoing until you fulfill your strictures.” Change to “Whensoever you break a tenet, you suffer -1 ongoing until you fulfill your strictures.”

    “I must be_________________violent/peaceful___________________________.I must be_________________dogmatic/pragmatic_______________________” Why are there two spaces on each line? It doesn’t make sense.

    Insight: “This is the only way to achieve insight in the Veil, though protagonists may obviously seek insight from other NPCs as normal, it does not provide them with +1forward when acting on the advice given by those NPCs.” Change the first comma to a period. Insert spaces between all instances of “+1” and “forward”.

    Gear: “(You Detail) fashion suitable to your look and 2-cred” Missing a capital letter at the start of the sentence and a period at the end. Not clear whether “you detail” is referring to the symbol of faith or fashion.

    I didn’t check Wayward.

  2. Kai Poh thanks Kai, I should have mentioned I hadn’t gotten to the playbooks yet as I was doing the draft first – but I’ll make these changes first before hitting the playbooks! Sorry, I should have been more specific for what has been edited already or not – I appreciate the time you took to go over the playbooks and check this stuff, though!! And will make the changes today, too! I’ll skim the Wayward as well but most likely it will change after some more feedback.

    Edit: Done! Thanks a lot and sorry for the miscommunication on my part. I was holding off on the playbooks until the draft editing was complete and had updated the playbooks with the Wayward playbook and art only. That’s my bad on not being clear. I really appreciate you looking through them all for edits, though. Sounds like you’re playtesting went well and everyone’s having fun with the game!

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