I need some help cleaning up the wording of a move. This is for The Chimera, a Skin that is meant to explore what it means to be bi- or multiracial. The Chimera picks two “Bloodlines” during character creation, representing their mixed parentage.
—–
Duel Loyalty
You belong to two gangs; one for each of your Bloodlines. When you publicly display how you are a real member of one of your Bloodlines, you may manipulate an NPC of that bloodline as if you had Hot 3. If you do, gain the Condition half-blood [Bloodline] for your other Bloodline.
While you have the Condition half-blood [Bloodline], you manipulate NPCs of that bloodline as if you had Hot -3. —–
The idea here is that by acting more like one half of their parentage, The Chimera is alienating themselves from their other bloodline. Hence the Condition half-blood that other characters will take advantage of.
The wording is messy, so, can anyone help me clean it up and clarify it?
Again, tagging in Hans Chung-Otterson, Ben Wray, Jackson Tegu, and Topher Gerkey because I really value their input. 😀
Ah, so.
Is your vision that I won’t be able to publicly display that I’m a member of a bloodline that I’ve got the half-blood [Bloodline] Condition to? It seems that there may be some really fun space in there to play with.
There should be a different move that details the two gangs.
Without reading the rest of the Skin, the move as it stands minus the first line seems clear. Of course, you won’t use italicization for emphasis in the good copy. 🙂
Here’s a slight tweak.
Duel Loyalty
When you publicly display how you are a real member of one of your bloodlines, manipulate an NPC of that bloodline as if you had Hot 3. If you do, gain the Condition half-blood [Bloodline] for the bloodline you aren’t currently personifying.
While you have the Condition half-blood [Bloodline], you manipulate NPCs of that bloodline as if you had Hot -3.
/
I was kind of hoping the move would have more to do with duels. I like the title still. You intentionally didn’t spell it Dual Loyalty, though, right?
My first question asked differently:
While I’m half blood Sasquatch can I publicly display how I’m a real Sasquatch & thus manipulate everyone as if I had hot +3?
It might be interesting if you added 3 to your hot rather than just giving the flat number. that way the Conditions can subtract 3.
I think the half-blood Sasquatch Condition a) maybe should be a separate thing besides a condition, b) or separate thing in addition to a condition, & c) give me minuses to hold steady and run away as well.
It also might be interesting if the minus-packages for the two bloodlines weren’t symmetrical; that my Sasq peeps getting after me makes it hard for me to run away, & my Werewolf peeps giving me shit makes it hard for me to fight. Or maybe flip those two, depends on what you’re saying.
See what i mean?
(I’m thinking the “minus packages” aren’t moves, they’re move-like rules states that can be toggled on/off. Kind of like weird mechanical Darkest Selves. It’s pretty far out into the wilderness of what could still be considered Monsterhearts, your call.)
Thanks Jackson Tegu. I might drop the part about the Chimera belonging to two gangs all together. They already have another “mandatory move”, and having a Skin with three mandatory moves might be a bit much.
The idea with the half-blood Condition is that other people of that bloodline are questioning your right to consider yourself one of them. So someone with the Condition “half-blood Sasquatch_ can still publically act like a Sasquatch (and non-Sasquatch people may even believe you), it’s just that full-blood Sasquatches won’t accept you.
I might be able to word the trigger so it’s more of a challenge to fit the duel name. That wasn’t a typo.
Cool. I didn’t really think it was a typo. But I wanted to check.
Conditions have that whole annoying thing where they’re driven by the fiction, so if I act like a full-blood Sasq, then I lose the Condition half-blood Sasq, which maybe complicates your idea.
I generally think it’s bad to try & make Conditions do other things. I know Avery does it sometimes, and when she does it it totally works b/c she’s pretty familiar w/ the game, but it’s… yeah, it’s tricky.
Losing the Condition because you’re acting like a “full blood” member of your bloodline actually works in my favor.I think. The Chimera’s conflict will (hopefully) arise because acting like one half of their bloodline means acting not like their other half.
Which might need to be made into a mechanic so it’s 100% clear. Something like:
—–
When you remove the condition half-blood [Bloodline] by publically acting like that bloodline, choose one:
– no one of that bloodline challenges your right to belong;
– you don’t gain the Condition _half-blood [Bloodline]_ for your other bloodline.
—–
The idea is you are accepted without trouble if you distance yourself from your other bloodline, or you have to fight for your right to belong. Does that come across?
By the way, I really like the idea of the Conditions doing something asymmetrical. -3 to lash out physically if you have half-blood Werewolf for example. I don’t know how to do that without taking up half the Skin with instructions and options though.
Would it be simpler to remove the -3 part and leave it up to the MC to push for that drama narratively? The Condition itself opens up the character for those complications. (I think the Condition should say “Not a real [Bloodline]” personally, but that’s not the question you are asking…) (Edited to actually answer the question…)
Thanks for the comments.
Not a real [bloodline] captures what I’m going for much better Monte Lin. The -3 penalty is messy, and I probably should just leave it at a Condition, but I feel like being labelled a fake should do more. Though maybe that is just something that can be addressed in the “Playing the Chimera” section rather than being a mechanic.
A meter that tracks your status was my initial thought, too Alec Henry. I didn’t want to rip off the Angel though, and the triggers for moving the meter were getting messy. I couldn’t figure out how to have the meter affect rolls only when the Chimera interacted with full blood members of thier bloodline.
(If it turns out that the right choice is to rip off the Angel, then totally do it. Avery will be happy about it if the Chimera benefits, espesh if they take the idea in a new direction (which they obvs would))
Thinking about it, this Skin can work for any Hyphen American (those with “mixed”nationalities) too. The number of times that I’ve heard that I’m not a real Asian…
That’s exactly what I’m going for Monte. People of one group telling you “You’re not a real member of this group” because you happen to be something else as well.
Ah nurtz, Jackson. Now I’m thinking about using the slider again. 😛
—–
Duel Heritage
You have an acceptance scale moving between your two bloodlines. It starts at 0. When you publicly display how you embody one of your bloodlines, move the marker towards that bloodline.
When you turn on, manipulate, shut down, or hold steady against someone who shares a bloodline with you, add their bloodline score to your roll.
—
That last part feels messy.
My basic problem with the move is that it’s quite serious overkill. Multi-skinned with the three headed pattern is something I get. (I’ve played with a second skin with my Deep One). But why do you need three monstrous skins. Your first head is, of course, human. Your second is Chimerical. Your third is your non-chimerical bloodline. And balancing human is every bit as much a social problem, but involves less faffing. Also the change in hot rolls is both cripplingly strong and cripplyingly weak. I’d rather ease back.
You’re not actually getting to play three Skins Francis Dickinson; you’re choosing what two Skins make up your heritage. The Three Heads move is a play on the fact that the Chimera has three heads, and that people will stare at you as if you had three heads.
I’m not really sure what “faffing” is. :\