Figured I’d throw a play report up here for kicks.

Figured I’d throw a play report up here for kicks. It’s gonna be long, as a lot happened, but this was for sure the best night yet.

This was the third session I’ve run and the 4th “episode” of ICW Wrestling (largely generic promotion in the vein of ROH as far as reach). After the previous 2 sessions we’d passed the threshold for an audience reset and we had a number of new players. Returning wrestlers were Evan Hark the take-no-shit Anti-Hero from Chicago, Talos Canaris the Monster heel with no respect for his elders (or anyone else), and Luke Birch the Hardcore heel cutting a bloody path to the Hardcore title but the nicest guy backstage. Debuting (or returning, storyline wise) was El Cuervo the Provocateur luchador draped in black on a cryptic quest for “justice” and Outback Liam the Clown from Down Under who has sated his lust for the Australian frontier and come back to pro wrestling (or something). 

After picking their moves and asking their heat questions (Evan used to tag with Liam and thinks his comedy Australian gimmick is wasting his talent and Luke thinks El Cuervo is all smoke and no fire, or possibly all crazy) we got underway. It started with a video package recapping the previous weeks. Evan finished off his blood feud with Talos (Talos maimed John Vonachter, a veteran and someone Evan looked to as a mentor) with an avalanche Sears Tower (Northen Lights Bomb) off the top rope in a grueling cage match. Luke Birch secured a number 1 contenders match for the hardcore title through the politicking of his new manager Veronica Blackwell t(hink Alexandra York meets Solomon Crow, a businesswoman with a hacker edge) and earned that shot by leaving Stacy Nitro in a bloody heap. Veronica took out the lights with her tablet and Luke blasted her in the face with a steel chair in the confusion (in reality he slammed the ring post so the audience would hear the sound).

After the video package we start with a wide shot of the titantron as a kangaroo hops across the screen signalling the triumphant return of Australia’s favorite son Outback Liam, driving down to the ring in a fully decked out safari Jeep. His attempt to Work The Audience on the microphone didn’t go over well in Detroit at first courtesy of a botched roll (which we decided was a busted mic) but luckily he took the Funny is Money move for his gimmick and was able to try again with a fresh mic and this time the audience heard what he had to say and loved it. His welcome would become a lot less warm when it was revealed his first match back would be with the monster Talos fresh from his main event defeat last week who then cut a promo tearing down Liam’s heritage, the audience, and anyone else who thought Talos wasn’t hot shit. He used the roll to make this match No DQ, which Liam retorted no, it would be Aussie Rules.

The bell rung and Liam started hot, stunning Talos and immediately heading under the ring where all wrestling toys are mysteriously so available and pulled out a personalized table emblazoned AUSSIE in glowing pink spray paint, leaned it vertical against the hood of his safari jeep, and cracked it to splinters with an exploder sequence leaving Talos in a heap of wood and steel. Liam took this opportunity to pick up where he left off, signing autographs with the front row and jabbering with the commentators. Too late for Liam to take notice the commentator’s eyes turned wide and Talos came thundering around the corner with a recently liberated car hood to pancake Liam in the face with.The monster tossed Liam back into the ring and worked him over with some big shots. After a back and forth contest Liam seemed to have the upper hand and climbed to the top rope to secure his victory. At that moment (unbeknownst to me, using the Showstopper move to interrupt whenever he wanted to) ominous synth and Flamenco guitar struck and through a shroud of smoke El Cuervo appeared and declared a victory by Liam would not be justice. Talos took advantage of the distraction and hurled Liam from the top rope onto the now exposed engine block of the safari jeep. Nobody died, somehow, and Talos picked up the win.

Backstage hardcore champion Kankar the Cane seemed unthreatened by the challenge to her title Luke Birch represented. She bragged the last time she had a match with Stacy she was out for 6 months while Luke had only managed to put her in the hospital for 3 days. Birch would learn what it meant to be the toughest motherfucker in ICW and he would learn it tonight.

After commercial David Glamour (a typical smug prettyboy heel with David Lee Roth’s haircut) was in the ring hosting his talk show segment Glamourganza when his guest’s music hit: Evan Hark. Evan walked to the ring riding the high of the previous week’s victory and walked past Glamour’s directors chair fancily emblazoned with “Glamour” in expert lettering and glitter and took his own seat opposite marked “Evan Hark” in Comic Sans. His seat also tilted to the left and he almost lost balance. Glamour asked Evan how he was feeling after the battle he went through last week. Hark shot back full of confidence that he was better than ever and ready for a fight. Glamour remarked that he wasn’t sure who to root for between Evan and Talos as Evan had the better body buy Talos had the superior head of hair. Getting back to the point Glamour asked Evan who in ICW he had his eyes on. Evan paused for a moment and said, “You.” Glamour clarified that he meant as an opponent in the ring, not an object of affection. Evan clarified that was exactly what he meant, stood up, and began throwing down his street clothes. Glamour protested, claimed he didn’t have the right shoes, but was quieted when the flatscreen previously displaying his face and logo switched to ICW owner Jack Kohler who declared choice of opponent was Evan’s prize for winning last week, and he had always hated Glamour.

Evan essentially destroyed Glamour in a one-sided affair. After a flurry of blows and some hard hitting power moves Evan hit the Sears Tower and covered Glamour for the 1 2 3. Post match the flatscreen was lowered back down to the ring as Kohler tried to congratulate Evan on his victory. With Evan’s back turned Glamour slowly dragged himself up by the ropes and cut Kohler’s message short by smashing Evan’s face into the LCD, cracking the screen. 

Backstage we cut to an interviewer attempting to grab the attention of Luke Birch hitting a heavy bag in complete concentration focusing on his upcoming title bout. After nearly punching the mic out of the interviewer’s hands Luke’s manager takes over. She explains that Luke won’t be talking to anyone until after he is hardcore champion. The interviewer asks if Luke feels nervous fighting in front of a hometown Detroit crowd, that that kind of atmosphere can feed the competitor energy or it can make them nervous and make them choke. At the word “Choke” birch slams the heavy bag with a thunderous blow, accosts the interviewer, grabs them by the throat and explains the only choking he’s going to be doing is to Kankar with his bare hands. In a now thoroughly raspy voice the interviewer throws it back to the commentary team.

Outback Liam is briefly seen in a now full of holes and burnt Safari jacket walking quickly down a hallway followed by a doctor chasing after him claiming he’d looked it up and Australians were not in fact impervious to concussions.

Cut to a segment in the bowels of the building with El Cuervo who declares that tonight’s justice had only begun and that the next recipient would be Detroit’s other favored son, the veteran Dick Chrysler.

Chrysler came out and cut a promo about how it would take more than a weirdo with tricks and gimmicks to put him down, especially in the Motor City. El Cuervo came out with another ominous entrance and promised that justice was no trick and he would see that it was done tonight. The match started and El Cuervo immediately perched himself on the top rope. When Chrysler charged El Cuervo jumped to Chrysler’s shoulders with a flourish, stared deeply into his eyes, and used his weight to crash Chrysler face-first into the top turnbuckle. El Cuervo kept up the mind games dodging Chrysler’s tackle and causing him to wrap himself around the ring post. Chrysler became cautions and was able to ground El Cuervo and slap on a submission hold but when Cuervo powered out and Chrysler attempted a German suplex Cuervo landed on his feet, hopped to the middle rope, and nailed a missile drop kick. After some more back and forth El Cuervo seemed poised to strike his finish from the top when recent history would instead repeat itself as Liam’s player decided now was the time for revenge and activated a Run-In, screaming toward the ring in his now quite damaged safari jeep. Seeing that his match was about to be ruined El Cuervo’s player decided now was the perfect time to demonstrate his wrestler’s… instability. He decided to activate Break Kayfabe and on a 10+ revealed to the audience at home and the thousand in attendance that Chrysler was no hometown hero but in fact a vile racist backstage who badmouthed minorities and threw slurs around like they were nothing. Liam’s jeep struck the ring and Cuervo was crotched on the top turnbuckle. Incensed, Chrysler gorilla press slammed Cuervo onto Liam’s jeep and picked up the DQ win when Liam began pummeling him into oblivion. Cuervo laughed manically as the crowd was giving a mixed response to Liam’s beatdown of Cuervo as the sizable Latino contingent in attendance had in one fell swoop been brought completely to his side.

Backstage Chrysler assured Cuervo that if he ever pulled any shit like that again it would be his ass. Liam used his Clown gimmick move Comic Relief to insert himself and defuse the situation.

The main event was hear and Birch received a babyface’s reception in his home town as he worked them into a frenzy. Per the champion’s discretion this hardcore match was a Tables match for the title. Kankar made her way down to the ring and intimidated a young fan who shoved a Luke Birch sign in her face by destroying one of the many tables lining the entrance ramp with her signature kendo stick.

Once the introductions were out of the way the match started in a frenzy of forearm blows with Luke eventually getting the better of it. Kankar crawled her way to the corner where her partially broken kendo stick lay and when Luke descended upon her she blasted him in the face with it, doubled him over with a torso shot, and finished breaking the stick on his spine. She then took one of the frayed ends of the stick, hammered it into the top turnbuckle with her fist, and slingshotted Birch headfirst into the round end that was left pointing out. Birch received his first injury of the match in the form of a minor concussion, but pressed on. He also decided now would be a good time for color and bladed while Kankar worked the crowd. She laid some forehead shots in to make sure it got real red real fast. Kankar took it to the outside and worked Luke over some more with a chair. She pulled out the first table of the evening and set it up next to the apron, placing Luke on it after some clubbing blows. After climbing her way to the adjacent top turnbuckle Luke’s manager decided to make herself useful and pull Luke off the table. Kankar was incensed by this interference and grabbed the back of Blackwell’s collar before she could get away. 

As an insult to the challenger’s pride Kankar set Blackwell up for a running powerbomb (Luke’s finisher) and began sprinting for the table with Blackwell in position. Luke recovered and acted at the last moment to spear Kankar in the midsection but Blackwell was still flung forward by the collision and was sent splitting through the table.

Luke took a moment to survey the wreckage and was consumed with rage. He battered Kankar with a steel chair and tossed her into the ring. As Luke set up for more Kankar hit him with a shattering low blow and Birch sold as if he’d been shot. Kankar laid into Luke with the chair he’d been using and decided to set it up around his head and neck. She was headed to the top to smash Luke’s head in with a double footstomp onto the chair. Luke decided he would roll out of the way just in time but ended up botching the roll badly and Kankar had no choice but to land full force onto his spine, Luke’s second injury of the night. One more and he’d be done for.

Kankar took her time gloating and made her way to the outside to set up another table on the apron. On her way back in Luke recovered and nearly took her head off with a lariat. Leaning over to pick her up Kankar whispered “Are you okay to do the finish?”. Luke knew that he wasn’t, but he said yes anyway. He dragged Kankar out to the apron himself, stuffed Kankar with a boot to the midsection to set up his powerbomb through the table. Before he could get her up, Kankar countered with a back body drop on the apron and to the floor, just next to the table. 

At this point Kankar dragged Luke back up to the apron one last time and all seemed doomed for Birch’s title hopes. And that point Veronica Blackwell finally recovered and began tapping her tablet in an act of desperation trying to salvage her client’s win. The lights went out and after a pause the thunderous clatter of metal rang through the arena. But when the lights came up, it was Kankar holding a bloody steel chair over a now similarly bloody Veronica Blackwell. Kankar picked her lifeless body up, dragged it over to the table by the apron and placed Blackwell upon it. In a daze Luke saw the body of his manager slide into sight on the table and in a brief moment of rage turned to face his opponent only to be blasted in the face by the chair one more time. Kankar climbed to the apron, hooked Luke for her finish, a classic piledriver, and sent him headfirst crashing through his manager and the table, earning the victory and ending our episode.

Lots of fun here, everyone very complimentary of the system. Once you get used to the flow you can create some pretty god damn awesome pro wrasslin. El Cuervo managed to make it to the top of the card on his debut evening by working a very heated match with Dick Chrysler and his kayfabe breaking moment appealing to the crowd about Chrysler’s backstage misdoings. The commentary which I didn’t really talk about here was also hilarious and a good way of keeping people not involved in the current segment in the game. Some stuff could maybe be tweaked (the Audience cap of 4 seems a little low and momentum might make it a bit too hard to fail) but overall loving the system.